Tuesday, February 17, 2009

foster kid update

Okay, I feel a little more comfortable posting an update about our foster kids now that it is private. I think the last update I gave was that things were in no-man's-land after Christmas visits were taken away and then somewhat given back. After Christmas we were all still working towards getting the kids back with their mom ASAP. Well about a month ago the kids had a four-day weekend they spent with their mom. When they got back we started hearing stories (esp from Christian) about a boyfriend and his kids sleeping the night, babysitting, etc. Any person who she has around the kids has to be fingerprinted, background checked, and approved by the department -- which obviously hadn't happened. So . . . it was getting crazy confusing when she called me and started telling me someone was trying to start trouble for her, etc. and refuting the details of everything Christian had told me. I got really upset that she was trying to play me like that because Bubba would have no reason to make all that detailed crap up. So basically in 0.6 seconds she lost me -- I had been one of her most vocal supporters . . . and now, I am so not in that corner right now. She went back to supervised visits only . . . the kids are so confused.

This is really the worst part of the whole thing. Christian not knowing his final destination. I feel so bad for the little guy. He even looked up at me the other day with his big ol brown eyes and just said, "I don't know if I'll ever see my dad again." (Probably due to the fact that Bubba's dad sets up weekly visits and then only comes to one of them. The next two weeks we show up he doesn't even bother to call to cancel. And when Bubba asks me why he didn't come and I say I don't know, Christian says, "well, my dad, his knee hurts sometimes." I seriously want to remove this guy's manhood -- I told Bubba, "believe me Christian I don't know why he didn't come but it wasn't because of his bad knee!).

So after the mom's drama the department meets and decides that when 15 months passes in March they will file termination of parental rights . . . at that point it is only filing the motion. It will take another 3 months for the actual court date of termination. So all of a sudden I have 6+ more months with my kids!! And I think I would love to adopt my two kiddies . . . but there are several obstacles in the way . . . first they have biological grandparents that get first dibs. Then if that falls through the department will try to place all 4 children together. I have told them I will take my 2 -- and even hailey bug. But I cannot, in good conscience, take all four. I would have 5 kids age 7 and under. And my first priority is to be a good mom (esp to Ellie) and not a nut job. The special needs of these kids (some of whom are diagnosed with RAD) is, I think, probably more than one mom can do. So I'll probably lose my two based on that. And it's sad. But what can you do, really?

Basically, we are just chugging a long in no-man's land. There is no goal for reunification, but it still could happen. So what do I tell a 6yo? That I just don't know what is happening, what will happen, or who gets to keep him forever. And we just gotta sit around and wait it out till we know. Poor kid.


  1. Well, whatever happens, I hope it's the best thing for all of you! And I think you're awesome!

  2. My mom went through the same type of thing. They ended up terminating rights and started looking for placement, but he also has some special needs and nobody wanted him. So they are in the process of adopting them. I wish you luck, I know that it is so hard. You are doing such a wonderful thing and those kids will always remember that.

  3. My heart goes out to those kids. And to you guys too. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you to get all attached to these kids and not know what will happen to them in the future. I'm so glad that you are providing a safe haven for them right now. It shows what kind of truly amazing people you and Darik are!